warriorprincess

When I was 17, I dated this guy, he was my dream boy. we tried having sex multiple times, but since I was a virgin, it was painful, and we couldnt really do much. so after one of the failed trials, early morning I woke up from the worst pain in my life, he was on top of me. I started crying and screaming it was unbearably painful, he shoved my face into the pillow and finished. later said he is sorry and loves me and didnt get what happened, and I thought its ok. we dated for 3 years. the third year, he cheated on me, and then went mental from jealousy, that I would have a revenge. He started randomly waking up early in the morning, and riding me, while I was tired and asleep, and again crying and asking not to do this. lasted for months. when I confronted him, he kept saying he is a man and he has needs. I finally broke up with him, and over half a year later, we met up with friends, to pretend everything is alright. we were at a bar, and my drink got spiked. dont think it was him, but anyway. he lived on the other side of the road, and I lived an hour away from the place, I couldnt walk or stand or see anything, so I asked if I could die on his couch. he let me and went back to drinking. I vomited like a maniac and fell asleep on the couch. later, woke up to tiny flashes of him riding me, but I was physically dead, I could not move or even open my eyes. The next day I woke up, he was by my side, all weird and awkward. I confrtonted him about this and the other occasions later and he said oh come on, you were just wasted. its been 4 years since, and I still have major freakouts with sexuality, trust, expressing myself, you name it. I just lost a person I was madly in love with, because he couldnt handle my freakouts anymore 🙁 dont know what amount of therapy can take this away. and this was just one guy. there were more assfaces.

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